The dresser

Nicholas Lyndhurst made one of his rare appearances on the English stage yesterday, and I was pleased that I was there to see it.

Forever known for his popular TV roles in 'Only Fools and Horses' and 'Butterflies', Lyndhurst gave a brilliant, controlled performance playing the role of, 'The Dresser' in Ronald Harwood's well known play.

As the blitz rages, and rations are imposed not just on the food, but also on the willing and available actors to make up the company, Julian Glover's character 'Sir' comes close to a breakdown, while struggling to perform his 227th King Lear. Standing in the glare of the bright lights fixed upon his every movement, this aging thespian seems to grow taller as the play progresses. However, right from the start, we the audience are allowed to see behind this theatrical sleight of hand to the real power source, and that power source comes in the form of a devoted, effeminate, woman-hating dresser called Norman, who gives the actor his confidence to perform this great conjuring act. Norman proves himself indispensible by amongst other things, helping 'Sir' with his lines, protecting him from distractions before the curtain call, and even helps out with the sound effects during the performance.

One of the saddest moments in the script is when Lyndhurst's character laments the fact that his master had at no point during the 16 years he had served him, taken him out for a meal, or even bought him a drink, yet Norman does understand the relationship he occupies, and part of the equation is that he must be willing to accept the constant verbal abuse, which he does,-feeling that this is the acceptable price of his masters genius.

On the way home, navigating my way through the usual horrific build up of pre-rush hour traffic, I started to realize just how fragile our life really is, how often we're kept afloat by so many uncredited forces. Without that supporting cast, we'd simply curl up and die. In one of his rare moments of honesty, 'Sir' could see that Norman the dresser in his own way helped him to be who he was. He helped him to realize that every word he uttered on stage acted as a shield to the bombs. Norman achieved the impossible with his consoling words, figuratively taking his master into the bomb shelter, and lifting the Cosmos from off his shoulders.

No one really stands alone, isn't that the truth? All manner of forces sustain and bind us to the task ahead. I wonder who makes up the supporting cast in out life? Now there's something to think about...

What kind of superhero are you?

On the Johnathan Ross show last Saturday on radio 2, Johnathan said that he had recently ordered some pyjamas off the internet, but when they arrived he found to his dismay that the sleeves were slightly shorter then his arms.

So this started him off on one of his highly imaginitive-monologues, where he concluded that if he was a superhero, he would have to be known as Slightly-longer-arm man, since it was the one attribute that set him apart from others! 

Johnathan and his side-kick Andy then discussed how this attribute could perhaps be used in a practical way to catch the bad guys in some real-life scenario.  If for instance a robber was on the run with some loot and he came across Slightly-longer-arm man, he may have been so distracted by the freakish sight of a man with slightly longer arms, he may well of dropped the bag of loot, allowing Slightly-longer-arm man of course slightly longer time to arrest the villain and call the police. Or alternatively, Andy made the sensible suggestion that all Slightly-longer-arm man would have to do, would be simply to hold onto a villain at arms length with his slightly longer arms and then the robber couldn't fight back because even if the robber swung a punch at Slightly-longer-arm man he wouldn't have been able to reach!

With the release of Spiderman 2 last week, it got me intrigued as to what would you be called if you was a fictional superhero?  But, it has to be based on an attribute that is true, however ridiculous....and how would it help you to foil crimes?  Oh, and what costume would you wear?

Confidence

A few years ago I heard a story of an interesting examination that took place. The exam consisted of just one question, and that was, "What is confidence?"

An intriguing question for anyone under test conditions.

Most people who sat that exam rapidly started to write down as much information as they could in the allotted time. However, one student was different from the rest, and did something quite unexpected. While everybody was busy writing down pages and pages of information, this one student calmly wrote down just two words. Underneath the question, "What is confidence?" he just wrote, "This is, " and then left the rest of the page totally blank.

In effect, he was saying, "I'm so confident I'm going to pass, I'm not even going to write out an essay. That's how confident I am. Perhaps as the examiners read those two small words on that very large piece of paper, there was a curious smile at first, followed immediately by the inevitable second smile - the realisation they had come face to face with someone they would have to pass.

Ever since my brother first told me that story I've never succeeded in coming up with a more perfect answer to that question. Certainly, I've tried.

Captain James Cook

I heard a story that apparently was true on the radio the other day concerning the explorer Captain Cook, and I wanted to write it down. 

"Capt. James Cook had a problem with his men. They kept getting scurvy. Having invested so much money into his voyages, obviously seeing his crew getting sick was not something he wanted. It was brought to his attention that German sailors however didn't get scurvy. The reason he put this down to was, that German sailors took barrels of sauerkraut on board with them when they went to sea. So Capt. Cook bought some barrels of sauerkraut himself and placed them on board his ship. Given that it is rather an acquired taste he knew that his sailors wouldn't touch the stuff, so the question is, how did he get them to eat it?" 

"It was quite ingenious. What he did was, he instructed that the words, 'For officers only,' be written on each of the barrels. Why did he do this? As soon as his sailors saw the signs, they naturally would feel they were being robbed of something. So in the middle of the night, the men crept down to where the barrels were being kept, and helped themselves. "If it's good enough for the officers,' they thought, 'it's good enough for us." The plan worked. The scurvy stopped, and Cook no doubt sat in his cabin laughing at just how clever he was." 

The only reason Capt.Cook's plan worked was he knew that his men would immediately feel a deep sense of injustice, as soon as they saw those barrels. He knew human nature. The fact that to most English people sauerkraut probably tastes disgusting-well, that didn't matter. It was the principle. Once the men had been deluded into thinking they were being cheated, he knew they would eat it, whatever it tasted like. 

We're all surrounded by injustice and we each experience that injustice every day of our lives. For most of us, the way we react to that injustice is just as predictable as the sailors course of action.